A Gentle Touch

As I care for my grandchildren, I am reminded of this poem I wrote. Each time I stroke a sleepy head or say 'I love you', I am embedding memories into the child that he or she will hold on to after I'm gone. Grandparents have a special role to play. They often give a child a sense of being loved unconditionally, an important component to any child's ego. We do this by spending time with them, loving them, and praying for them.

The Holy Spirit can also bring that gentle touch, that sense of peace, to the Christian soul. How often have I snuggled up with my God and felt this comfort that only He can give?

As we give away loving touches to others, we give them more than that; we give them a physical memory that can bring comfort in later years. Even when it is not remembered in the mind, the comfort brought can linger in the psyche and pop up in times of need. Passing on loving touches and words should become our passion, as our touch is the only touch from Jesus that many will ever feel.

A Gentle Touch

Remembering Mother and her gentle touch.

Soft fingers said, "I love you so much."

A touch that held me in her arm's embrace,

Her touch bringing smiles of joy to my face.

At night as she lay me down in my bed,

Fingers stroking the hair from my head.

Gentle but strong, on her touch I leaned,

Those fingers that sewed and cooked and cleaned.

She's gone now and each remembered touch

Oh, is missed, so incredibly much.

But oft' as I lie in my dark, mourning bed,

I still feel soft fingers stroking my head.

Her gentle touch stays, tho' she's now gone on,

Giving me peace as I face each dawn.

And as oft' as my hands gently caress another

I'll always remember, I learned it from Mother.

Angela Masters Young c 2009
http://www.helium.com/items/1410380-poetry-a-gentle-touch

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Marilyn Matters

Last Friday, I attended the going away celebration of my dear friend, Melissa. God had given her 10 years, fighting cancer but living, to spend with her family. But last Sunday, May 23, 2010, He gave her ultimate healing by taking her home to be with Him.

During the open mike portion of the celebration, I had given a brief account of a story and poem I had once shared with Melissa as a segue to sharing how this dear friend had the gift of making others feel that they mattered. Later, the pastor read a testimony Melissa had given in a much earlier service during another bout with the cancer that would eventually take her. In that testimony she had shared the story and how it and others had impacted her.

I thought I would share that story to the best of my ability here today. Shortly after my brother’s death in 2003, my mother, Marilyn Masters, discovered she had a rare and aggressive form of uterine cancer. She had surgery, but later found the cancer had already metastasized. She endured chemo for a while and was eventually sent home to hospice and given 6 months to live.

She lived 11 months, and her story would take up a few pages, but we’ll save that for another post. For this one, I will point out that Mom had a period of time, in her grief for her son and her worry over what her own death would do to my father, she wondered if she really mattered. Did she really make a difference in people’s lives for the Lord? Was God pleased with her? Did she really matter?

During this time, showcasing God’s wonderful sense of humor, Mom kept receiving those address labels places send free with a plea for money. The odd thing was that each one of those labels arrived (from different places) with, not the name Marilyn Masters, but Marilyn Matters! One missed letter sent a message to Mom that she could not ignore: Marilyn Matters! Our God is so good.

The following is a poem I wrote for my mother during this time and later replaced the name to send to Melissa. I wrote this poem so that anyone could substitute their own name and hang on to the knowledge that they, too, matter very much to God.

Marilyn Matters!

My friend, I trust you to our Lord,
For I know: Marilyn Matters!
He made you special in His plan
For He knows: Marilyn Matters!
Each day, each pain, He chose for you
‘Cuz He knows: Marilyn Matters!
So as you rest beneath His wings,
Remember: Marilyn Matters!
As each loving detail falls into place,
Remember: Marilyn Matters!

By Angela Masters Young © 2005

Maybe you wonder about your significance in this world at times, but God and I want you to know that you matter very much. God has a plan for you; He created you for a special purpose, and He walks with you through whatever that plan entails, holding you, loving you, singing over you in joy as He works out His perfect plan for you – because you matter!

You may use this poem (changing the original name), but please give me credit for it if you do. May God richly bless you!

This poem was included in a blog post by Amanda DeCosta. Her post can be viewed here.

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Tears Fall

Today I find out my friend is no longer responding. Death hovers over her, awaiting it's moment. But death will have no sting because she is one of God's beloved children. Her body will remain here, but her spirit and soul will soar to the heavens to be with her Savior and all who have gone on before. We will weep our selfish tears, but underneath will be joy and the peace that passeth understanding, knowing the coming reunion and the joy she now feels, having left cancer and pain behind to dance in the light of God.

Tears Fall

Tears fall like rain from these eyes in pain;
Seeping out from the never-ending well.
And God collects them one by one,
Saving them with those that fell before.
I feel His arms holding me tight,
Offering His comfort and strength,
To His broken-hearted, hurting child.
Then I realize my tears are not alone;
The tears of God fall next to mine.
He weeps, not for me, but with me,
Not withholding the pain I feel, but
never leaving my side through the storm.
The pain will pass, my tears dry up,
And life will continue on.
But this time with my God will
Change me forever as I rest in
His faithfulness once again.

Prose by Angela Masters Young c 2010

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Numbness arrives: God is still good!

From tears, tears and more tears to numb, the cycle of grief continues. Denial isn't possible for me, but I wish it were. I'd like to believe no one I love would ever die of cancer. I'd like to believe no one I love would have to watch someone he or she loves die of cancer. I'd like to believe a cure will be found in the next 24 hours. Yes, this is what I'd like to believe.

The reality, however, is that cancer strikes everyone sooner or later, either through a personal journey with it or watching a loved one go through it. Maybe it's just me, but it seems that cancer is on the rise. I don't know, but it is certainly in the rise in my relational sphere. Another wonderful lady I met at a support group passed away last month. A beautiful, godly friend passed away a couple days ago from brain cancer. A cousin is fighting the battle as we speak. Add these to the names in the last post, and you still don't have the full picture.

I don't honestly know how I am going to deal with the impending death of one of my dearest friends, a beautiful, godly ray of sunshine in an often dark world, but I know from experience that somehow I will. I may not understand it, but God always comes through, not when I want it, but when I need it.

Thank you, Father, for being the unchanging, merciful God you are! Because you have shown me your love, mercy, peace, forgiveness and more through the trials of life, I have learned that I can lean wholly on you at all times for all things. I thank you for those trials because they have brought me to a deeper understanding of your love and deepened my relationship with you. When I face pain or uncertain days, I take the time to look back and remember all those other times when I didn't know how I would go on, and there you were!

Sometimes you cried with me; sometimes you laughed as you heaped unexpected blessings in humorous ways; sometimes you just walked beside me, hand in hand, lending your silent support; sometimes you picked me up and held me in your comforting arms; always, you were there!

Precious Lord, take my hand
Lead me on, let me stand
I am tired, I am weak, I am worn
Through the storm, through the night
Lead me on to the light
Take my hand precious Lord, lead me home

When my way grows drear
Precious Lord linger near
When my life is almost gone
Hear my cry, hear my call
Hold my hand lest I fall
Take my hand precious Lord, lead me home

When the darkness appears
And the night draws near
And the day is past and gone
At the river I stand
Guide my feet, hold my hand
Take my hand precious Lord, lead me home

Precious Lord, take my hand
Lead me on, let me stand
I'm tired, I'm weak, I'm lone
Through the storm, through the night
Lead me on to the light
Take my hand precious Lord, lead me home

--lyrics by Rev. Thomas A. Dorsey (1899-1993), melody by George Nelson Allen (1812-1877).http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Take_My_Hand,_Precious_Lord

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Cancer stinks, but God is good!

Today I found out a dear friend is going on hospice care. She has been fighting cancer for over 10 years, and her body is just too tired to fight any more. Another writing friend just lost her husband to cancer. My best friend from childhood is watching her father die of cancer right now too. I lost my beloved mother and grandmother to cancer. The list goes on.

In each case, the type of cancer was different, but it really doesn't matter what type it is. I hate all cancer, and I hate what it does to people, taking lives much too early. This insidious growth starts small and spreads, taking over until it gets a vital organ and takes its victim. Despite major loads of cash going to research a cure, it still claims lives every day.

Do I have a point? I don't know. I just know the grief is so overwhelming sometimes. But, this one thing I know: God is good. God didn't bring cancer, and He is always there to bring beauty out of sorrow when people turn to Him. My mother's death was absolutely beautiful, even though it was also horrible.

I may not understand it all, but I know the one who does. I rest in His faithfulness, knowing that He cares and He will be there for all. And in the end, He will scoop them up and take them home to be with Him where they will hurt no more. Then some day it will be my turn. Jesus will wipe the tears from my eyes, and I will see all those who have gone on before in Christ. This is what gets me through all the pain inherent in a sinful world. Come quickly, Lord, Jesus!

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What does real love look like?

I just finished reading a beautiful blog post by an old friend. It described her last days with her husband in a very moving, yet hopeful way. You can read her post here: http://widowlady302.blogspot.com/

In thinking of this type of death, I always think back to the great love of my parents. Their love was a God story from the beginning, and her death was as beautiful as it was horrific. We knew she was going to go for 11 months before the time finally came, giving us opportunities to love one another and tie up loose ends. This too, was a gift from God.

Mom and dad were unable to sleep in the same bed, so we moved a twin in beside her. The spent many long hours in the night, alone in their own room, just talking and reminiscing and loving one another.

Each morning, my mother spent in her room, studying her Bible and listening to music and coming closer to God with each breath. I often think of this time with envy. Maybe her closeness to God was because she knew she would meet Him soon, but she was a godly woman from early on, and I aspire to be like her some day.

One of the songs she listened to was a tape of me singing. One day, about 3 months before the end, she called me in and said, "Angie, I want you to sing this song at my funeral." How I did it, I don't know, but God gave me the grace, and it was the least I could do to honor my blessed mother.

She was at WalMart a couple days before then end and sang in church the Sunday before. I had gone home for the weekend when I got the call. She woke up in horrible pain and they had taken her to the hospital. A tumor the size of a football had grown in her stomach and broken in two. Even though she had hospice and planned to die at home, her pain was too much. She was placed in a large room away from others where we could all stay with her all we wanted.

This time is one of my worst memories, but it is also one of my best. In many ways, it was the completion of a love rarely seen. It took three days for her to leave us, but dad stayed by her side the entire time, talking, loving, crying, praying, and eventually, letting her go. A couple of times we all left them alone in the room so he could express his grief in private.

I've never seen my father sob before or sense, and it was an experience that effected me deeply. He told her repeatedly how much he loved her as he sobbed over their clasped hands. At one point, he said, "Marilyn, if I had it to do over, I would marry you all over again." Then he asked, "Would you marry me?" She squeezed his hands to say yes, giving him something to hang on to during the long, lonely days of his widowhood to come.

November 11, 2005, with almost all her family standing around her, she left to be with the Lord. This date again showed the love God had brought to these lives. November 11, was the day he finally met her for the first time after writing letters back and forth from Ohio to Germany for a year and a half. November 11 was also the day he had surrendered to preach.

She followed him willingly through the good times and the not so good times, leaving behind family and much more to be a helpmeet to him. Thank you Lisa for reminding me that real love doesn't cut and run when the going gets tough. Real love loves through it all, to the very end. My husband and I have experienced this type of love, the love that shows up, and I thank God for the legacy my parents have given, not only to me, but to everyone who knew them.



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Family: On Pride and Showing Up

My father has been in ill health his entire life. He has a genetic form of pancreatitis, and I have watched him suffer, in and out of hospitals, many, many times. Because of his pancreatitis, he eventually developed diabetes as well. He recently had another accident because of a sugar drop, and life has changed for all.

I spent a year going back and forth from my home to my Mother's when she had cancer, spending the majority of my time with her. I helped her physically when needed, and we leaned on each other emotionally and spiritually until her passing.

With dad, it is more difficult. He is harder to live with, and he will be the first to admit that. Trying to regulate his sugar and keep him from hurting himself further keeps us all hopping.

My point in telling you this? Dad sat with his family Saturday as I was giving instructions to my sister to take over his care for a while, and he told us he should not, did not want to, be a burden to us. What he doesn't understand is that God created us to need others and to need him. We take care of him because we love him, not because we have to.

Someone once told me that family "shows up". When we have a need, our family is there for us. They don't leave us to their own devices just because they have another life. They adjust. They sacrifice. They come through if at all possible.

Sometimes that "family" is a friend with no blood ties or a church member (a different kind of family) but those who 'show up' are family. The following are some things we need to know about needing others.

--When we don't allow others to help us, we steal their blessing! In my case, God will honor me for honoring my father and taking care of him as he ages. I don't do it for that reason, but I'm so glad I get to do it. How will I ever have this honor if I am not allowed to sacrifice?

--When we don't allow others to help us, we are full of pride. When someone feels that others may have to have help, but not him or her, he or she is really saying, "I am special. I will never be old, need help. I will always be able to take care of myself, and I don't need help." Pride, plain and simple, keeps us from accepting reality and allowing the inevitable to come with dignity and grace.

--When we don't allow others to help us, we probably stubbornly resist God's help as well. God wants us to depend on Him, completely and wholely, and often we try to make it on our own, only calling on Him for help when we become desperate. God wants us to walk with Him every day and depend on Him for everything - even those things we can handle on our own.

When we don't watch our strengths, we open a door for the devil. We tend to turn to God for help in our infirmities, but think we're good in our strengths. This makes our strengths the prime target. Realizing we cannot go it alone in anything we do is a big step in our walk of faith.

All of that to say that we need to depend on others in the same way we depend on God. Others can't "show up", even family, if we don't allow it. God,the sin of pride is so invasive in all we do. Help us to step aside and accept help when we need it, allowing others the self-esteem and blessing that comes from showing up. In learning to submit, teach us to submit to you as well. You: above all, in all, for all.

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:
If one falls down, his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves...
Ecclesiastes (paraphrase)

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Longing

My pastor, David Frasure, preached about 3 things Christians long for more and more as time passes, titled "Three Great Longings of the Christian Heart". I so needed to hear this tonight, and it is so true.

The first item we long for is the rapture of the church. As the world grows increasingly wicked and we become more aware of it in our growing wisdom, we realize even more that this world is not our home. We long for that day when Christ comes to take His bride, the church, back to the place he has prepared for her. Just as the bride anticipates that day she becomes the wife of her intended, we look forward to that day our bridegroom comes to get us, and we get to be with Him for an eternity. We can know that this is the beginning of a new life and a new world for those who are saved.

The second item we long to see is the Almighty God. Can you imagine that day when we finally get to be with God in a way we understand for an eternity! That alone will make heaven heaven, but He has even more than we could ever imagine prepared for us. Just as the bride longs to see the face of the bridegroom on her wedding day, we too long to see the face of our Savior and groom. Why? Because we are in love with Him, and we want to be with Him!

The third item Christians long for is the experience of worshiping the Living God by all. Often, as I lift up my soul to God through song or prayer in the midst of other Christians, also focusing on worship, my soul explodes with wonder inside me. Sometimes I sit or stand quietly and listen to the voices rising up all around me, glorying in the sound of others worshiping God too. Some day we will all be in a giant worship service with glorious music and a wonderful God to worship. There won't be any missing someone who didn't make it to service, splits, back-biting, just worship in its purest form - GLORY!

As I anticipate this future time, I also think about all those around me who do not have this hope. I know God will wipe away all tears at some future date, but in the meantime, I have to stand before Him and tell Him why I didn't try to pull more into the boat with me. Excuses won't cut it when I stand before Him. It doesn't matter if I'm busy, or shy, or not good with words, what matters is that I took every opportunity to share the gospel of Christ with everyone in my sphere of influence and beyond. I want all to stand there with me that day, worshiping God and drinking in the bridegroom.

Yes, we long for the day when we are raptured up to meet our bridegroom and spend eternity worshiping God, but we're not there yet. While we're here on earth is the only time we will have to share this hope with a lost and dying world. God didn't call us to selfishly hoard the good news, He called us to share it, to go and witness, to bring this hope to all who would believe. Wouldn't it be great if we could have many people standing there beside us, also believers, instead of having to watch them judged and cast into hell while we are helpless to do anything about it?

Even so, Lord, Jesus, come!!!

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